Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
