I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
