allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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