i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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