i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
