Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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