what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
