My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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