Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I think a kid would responsible me up
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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