I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
