You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
