She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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