im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
