I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
