; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
