I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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