A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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