i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
