So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
