So drunk its hurt
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
