Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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