i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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