Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
