Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
