I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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