i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
