my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
