So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We have started to decorate penises.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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