I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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