Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
