the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
