Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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