Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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