I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
