She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
