come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
