This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
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