You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
