I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
