Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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