she looked like the before picture.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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