I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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