Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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