Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
