Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
