Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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