i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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