Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
