IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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