Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
