This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
